Things You Should Never Say to Your Spouse
Words can cut like knives into us mentally and emotionally. This is especially true of our spouses.
There are many number of things you shouldn’t say to your spouse, but here are some things you should never say:
“That's what you always do?”
Arguments are going to happen in marriage. It’s unavoidable, and it’s part of what makes marital bliss difficult at times. When our spouse confronts us about something we did that hurt or offended them, we tend to immediately put up our defenses.
What’s even worse is when we, as a part of our defense, bring up some past hurt our spouse caused us. This shows two things: our need to keep score of wrongs and our unwillingness to admit our own wrongs.
Be humble, and recognize that you hurt your spouse, even if it was unintentional.
“I can never forgive you for that.”
Forgiving our spouse doesn’t remove the hurt. It shows them we don’t hold that hurt against them. This can be a sensitive issue depending on the wrong one spouse committed against the other. Adultery and abuse cause deep scars that can take years to heal. Forgiveness is never easy, but bitterness against our spouses can take root and keep a marriage from thriving for a long time until forgiveness finally takes place.
“That is a stupid thing to care about.”
Maybe you’d say to your spouse “Football is such a ridiculous thing to care about” or “Tinsel" is a stupid show,” showing your contempt for something they care about, even if it seems small.
When we marry someone, we enter a relationship with someone who is going to have a variety of different likes and dislikes. Those likes and dislikes aren’t all the same as what ours might be. Because we love our spouse, we in turn also learn to love, if not at least appreciate their interests.
Most of us men think that TV show is lame or consider that celebrity magazine she always buy as simply a waste of money. The truth is, if our spouse like it, then we learn to like it simply because they do. In turn, women may learn to like some sports or video games our hubby spends time on.
In marriage, spouses should come to appreciate things before marriage they cared less about. Caring about what our spouse cares about is critical to a marriage success. It shows great love for them, and also that we are willing to place their wants and desires above our own.
It seems like a harmless word. Like an “anything goes” statement.
THE FACT IS, WHEN PRESENTED WITH A QUESTION FROM OUR SPOUSE SEEKING OUR OPINION, SAYING “WHATEVER” MIGHT AS WELL BE SAYING “I DON’T CARE.”
What do you think of this dress or this suit? Where do you want to go for dinner? Do you want to see a movie tonight?
Our opinion matters because our spouse matters. When they ask for an opinion, shrugging it off with “whatever” is a tiny dart that tells our spouse we don’t value their question enough to give it thought and consideration. When we do that enough times, it adds up to our spouse feeling unworthy. Again, showing genuine interest in what our spouse is thinking about or concerning themselves will show great love for them. Stop with the “whatevers.”
“You look so funny!”
Men often say this referring to her size. Women physique change with time. Maternity fat and other body weight. it’s the last thing she wants to hear, and if she isn’t, complaining about it, then you’re in trouble. You can help her register for a gym or exercise with her to loose that baby fat.
There are probably many more things we shouldn’t say to our spouses. And there are probably some specific to your marriage that you can think of. And this doesn’t just apply to marriage—it’s important to be aware of the tender topics in any relationship, the things that we can use as weapons to wound or defend or stir up an argument. But coming from a spouse or a family member, they can cause the deepest cuts of all.
If you’re not married, begin now considering things you say to friends or family that can cause a negative impact on your relationships.
Marriage is a lifetime commitment. Ensuring we avoid saying things that can unnecessarily hurt our significant other makes that marriage commitment honoring to both our spouse and to God, even if it means sitting through a season of Tinsel (or a football game).